Basic Rules For Women In Marriage


Christian eyes reading this will almost certainly miss the distinction between Christian and non-Christian marriages. Today’s Christian minds have watched Hollywood’s film version(s) from childhood, until they wear Hollywood glasses to evaluate all versions of it. Please, readers, take off those glasses, or don’t bother reading this article. This one is the Scriptural version, which is eternally different from Hollywood’s distorted excuse for it. Theirs will not serve genuine marital happiness; this one will in every case, if both marital partners simply obey the basic Scriptural rules.

However, this article deals with only the basic foundation on which a successful marriage must be built. A couple building a life together is extremely complex and as individual as they themselves. But these basics are where they must start to build, or else their structure will finally crumble into ruins. For this reason it is important that the men carefully read these rules for women, and the women read the previous post on rules for men in marriage.

The woman’s created design and order has been carefully detailed in the previous post, BASIC RULES FOR MEN IN MARRIAGE. We will therefore only briefly cover that aspect of marriage in this article.

Christian or not, the first thing the modern woman must deal with in this Scriptural approach to marriage is the imposition of the radical feminist mindset permeating our society. Even elderly women have been subjected to it all their lives. The first order of business in such a female mind is to reject the very notion of being subjected to the male. Much effort is immediately put into motion to worm around the plain truth of Scripture with a more convenient “Theological” interpretation of it, even to the radical extent of saying God is a “she.” But any female determined to dodge the Scriptural order in Genesis will not benefit from this article and should click out of this and go about something else. Pay day for doing that comes in two segments: Missing pieces of personal peace, and divorce. Both are deep wounds short term, ugly scars long term. We won’t even mention the devastating impact on the lives of her children.

The second conclusion jumped to by radical feminists is the foolish notion that scrapping the Genesis model is “liberating.” This is tantamount to dodging a pie in the face only to catch a cannonball. It’s like wriggling out of manacles only to be “free” in a padded cell. One never escapes their own design without Dr. Jeckel’s surgery, unless he is allowed to replace the brain to match the freak. Sadly, though, what started such radicals on their warped course is male stupidity in how he filled his own role. The only cure is in Christ and a return to original design. There simply are no substitutes for what God created humans to be. Liberation is never EVER outside the provisions of the Lord Jesus Christ. But while a woman can be devastated by her husband, she can yet find peace in the Lord in the midst of the pain imposed by his utter foolishness. Meanwhile, it should mean something to women to realize that we never see a radical feminist in a home where she and her husband deeply love the Lord first, each other second, and where the husband obeys his role in Scripture. That is the truly liberated woman. Sadly, all too often women play the fool to start with by being reckless in her choice of a husband.

It has been an amazing show through the last half a century to watch Hollywood promote their brand of love and marriage. The freakish eggs they laid hatched out into a generation of cyclops’s, other freaks, mixed up sexes, and wild-eyed radicals. None of which have a clue of what God’s truth really is. Unfortunately, most Christian households watch this circus anyhow, while Christian ministers are silent in the pulpits, mostly because they are also chuckling at the clowns. All of this without giving a thought to the reality that this is all going somewhere. (Hint: It glows red with intense heat).

A third assumption the so-called “liberated” female makes is the notion of restriction of her own personal life’s dreams and ambitions. This, by the way, is the foundational fiction on which the radicals always build their case. It is a lie. It dodges its own premise by the innate God-imposed law of human responsibility. Dreams and ambitions sit squarely astride that horse. Those coming closest to dodging are bums and bandits. As it turns out, though, they don’t dodge it either. They still have to eat to stay alive. Nobody is going to poke it down their throats; they must find it, get it, chew it, swallow it, and get away with it, unless they get it free behind bars. They’re responsible. Feminists have to exercise responsibility in order to be radicals.

So here’s the picture: They bucked the responsibility of their own natural design to start with in order to be feminists. That alone is a natural dodge of satisfactory fulfillment. Based on that cracked base, then, they launched their own cracked version of personal responsibility. They reached for the stars from atop the little mound of dirt they sweated to scrape up, instead of the Mount Everest God already had waiting for them free of charge! It all comes down to the quality of response(ability) exercised toward her original design as a female.

Ladies, think of it this way: There has never been a case study of a pregnant man. No, those who are pregnant are called WOMEN! Why? Ridiculously simple: She was designed that way, body, soul, spirit, physically, sexually, mentally, and socially. It is an impossibility for her to ever find fulfillment outside that original design. God’s blessings are channeled to her through it. It glances off a radical feminist. Please listen: Where they go wrong in their logic is to miss the Biblical fact that the woman was not designed from the ground up, but from the RIB up—Adam’s rib! Not from a monkey up; not from a tadpole up; their ancestry was not a tyrannosaurus (although she is well equipped to convince her husband of it). No, none of such foolishness! She was originally a piece of Adam’s ribcage. That makes all the difference in who the woman really is.

There is a legitimate responsibility. That one is fulfilling. The other is not. A wife’s first responsibility is to her design to be a “help meet” to her husband. He is the one with the responsibility before God to provide for his family. Have you ever watched a rooster and his hens? He will scratch a spot on the ground for them to forage as he stands and guards. When they have pecked it clean he wanders off to a new location, scratches, clucks, and his hens come running to forage. Meanwhile, those hens carry on with happy hen-chattering among themselves. None of that was their own idea to do it that way, contrary to evolution’s nonsense. No, God designed it that way. Simple as that. And those hens are happy and fulfilled with it. Modern feminists, though, would turn the whole thing on its head, attack the rooster and peck him to death!

But let’s be clear: God has loaded the females with tremendous abilities and talents, not to compete with men, but to serve God in their design. Her first purpose is to be a helper. That is God’s designed will in her. But this is where confusion arrives. You see, God’s truth, righteousness, and holiness are a prior obligation to her God, before her obligation to her husband. If her husband fails in performing his own God-given responsibility before God, he forces his wife into a very difficult situation. Let’s say, for instance, a backslidden husband decides to open a bar and employ half-nude females as an attraction. His wife’s design to be his “help meet” suddenly comes to a screeching halt on that count! But it’s confusing; she is his wife. She must still endeavor to be his “help meet” in other non-offensive areas, such as care of the children. It can become extremely complex. Lines can get blurred.

On the other hand, if she has a good husband who loves God, he will want her to have the joy of exercising her God-given abilities and talents. If she exercises good judgment before God in her first obligation to Him, then a good and loving husband will encourage and help her to pursue her full potential. Any man acting otherwise, is stepping between her and her God and must answer to Him for it. Many men put guilt trips on their wives for not getting out and bringing in extra income so they can live higher on the proverbial hog. If the wife loves to work outside the home, and if it doesn’t interfere with her obligations as the wife, then he should allow it. BUT it is his duty to see that her income is never relied upon to make ends meet, so that she could stop work at any time she pleases. He is designed to be the provider; not the PRIMARY provider, but the ONLY provider. God-given roles are reversed when the man dons the apron of housekeeping while his wife earns the living. It was never Biblical, and never will be.

Now let us consider another basic rule for women in marriage. We will look at this from a man’s point of view. It will come clear as to why. You see, by God-given nature most men when faced with a problem examines it from a position of cold analysis, emotions aside. He reasons primarily from a portion of the brain where reason is dominant, whereas the woman reasons from a portion where emotions are dominant. Now it is true that both sexes use both, and sometimes they are even reversed, but we are talking of which is dominant in most males and females. Most men, then, have a pressing need to logically understand a problem when it arises. Well, in far too many cases a husband’s unhappy wife vents her emotions on him when what he needs most is a careful explanation of exactly why she is unhappy with him. She might explode in his face as to HOW she feels, when he really NEEDS to know WHY she is angry—in detail. See the point? God has charged him with her nurture, care, and happiness, but she is heaping ire and frustration on him, although he hasn’t a clue of what he needs to do to fix it. He has a nature to troubleshoot, but she is too busy just shooting. He sees that like an auto mechanic who has an irate customer who brings him a car to repair but she refuses to tell him anything at all in detail about it. All the hateful customer yells is, “You’re the mechanic, you figure it out; I just want my car fixed!” So he has to start from scratch to even begin to figure out how it’s acting, what the trouble is, and how to fix it. Sadly, that ignorant state of mind belongs to most husbands who never read or listen to anything to find out what got him in trouble with her to start with.

Bottom line? Most men need educating on a regular basis by their wives! Not one husband wants to go out into the community and have to admit that he’s the head of an unhappy home. His very nature wants it said that he is a problem solver, not the problem itself. But a wife who is unhappy and makes little or no effort to understand why it is that she is unhappy is actually the guiltiest before God. Her husband, after all, cannot crawl through her ear and analyze her brain for her. She must do it. Then, once she knows why and arms herself with documented explanations, books, videos, and tapes of experts in the field, to show him why she is unhappy, then the monkey is on his back where it belongs. A husband who won’t listen to her, who refuses to read or view what she brings him, but goes about ruling her and trying to make her like it, must answer to God for it. Women have a unique way of squirting from under a man’s jackboot and way-laying him with a 2X4 to get his attention! If he still doesn’t listen, he will pay for it ten times over in other even more unpleasant ways. If he refuses to make the changes needed to bring happiness to his “help meet,” then it shouldn’t surprise him when she walks out on him.

One final basic: God designed the man to be the spiritual head of his family. The devil has sneaked up on the blind side of this. One particular aspect of God’s design in both sexes must be considered. You see, although God designed males and females for each other, we dare not overlook that He made both for HIMSELF first, BEFORE one another. Their separate standing before their Creator is their FIRST obligation of existence. Think carefully here: Worldly minds think SELF first, mate second, children third, and God last, if at all. But God’s Scriptural order is GOD first, children second, mate third, and SELF last. If no children arrive, it is God first, mate second, self last. The point to be made is that God comes first, not self. This priority opens the vast monolith of responsibility for our subject, the woman in marriage.

You see, a home that honors God is a balance of responsibility, each in their separate roles, pulling the load together. But depravity introduces a problem: In far too many Christian homes the father fails to assume the spiritual headship. Following Scriptural logic, then, since each partner has God as first priority, failure of the husband presents enormous implications for his wife, especially when children are involved. In the first place, the man’s role in the home requires that he have a backbone like a saw log—spiritually and physically. If he fails at that, then his wife is obligated to grow one herself—spiritually, and sometimes even physically. After all, it is in the marriage vows, “For better or for worse.” The man who drops the ball must answer to God for it; if his wife doesn’t do her best to take up the slack for her children and her home, she must also answer for it.

The woman in marriage who honors God above her husband and children may endure hardship if her husband and children fail to do the same, but she should go in the strength of knowing that she pleases God, who will return the honor in infinitely greater measure. Her children and husband will one day “Rise up and call her blessed” (Proverbs 31:28), even if they realize it after she is gone. this!

5 Responses so far

  1. 1

    Dannielle said,

    January 27, 2009 @ 7:57 am

    May I ask where you got children second and mate third? How do children come before your spouse?! The Bible doesn’t say any such thing. I would say that your husband or wife comes before your children.

  2. 2

    DA said,

    January 28, 2009 @ 1:06 pm

    Thank you for your comment. Please remember a blog post must necessarily be brief. In this case I have attempted to say in brief a subject requiring a book to cover it. Yours is a good question, and when I wrote this I was certain there were going to be many who took an exception. Oddly, yours is the only one so far. Today’s societal trends have clouded the logic of this truth. Actually, though, God has put it into human nature to act out the truth of it in our real living. But there are so many ways to answer your question it is difficult to decide which one to use in order to be brief.

    Reasoning inductively or deductively from such scriptures as Hebrews 9:27, Genesis 2:21,22, II Corinth. 5:10 (“Every one” KJV), Rev. 20:12 and others we arrive at the Scriptural truth that God will judge each person, male or female, individually and alone for how they lived their lives and the moral choices they made before their holy Creator. It is not at all hard to see that this moral, ndividual first obligation to God supercedes all else, including marriage, parents, offspring—everything. Like my dear old pastor used to quote often, “It will matter but little when the sunset we view and the shades of the valley are past, whether small or unknown or a king on a throne, it will matter but little at last.” His context for this was always the Christian’s eternal obligation before God to make the right choices in life.

    Well, in that truth is the answer to your good question. You see, the Scriptures have made it quite clear throughout that the FOREMOST obligation for a Christian home for husband, wife, mother, father is to sacrifice their very lives to the up-bringing of their children to respect, honor, and worship God. The same Scriptures are also crystal clear that the primary obligation to do this is that of the husband and father. God will hold him primarily accountable for it. But taking the logic one step further we come quite naturally to two little words: “What if?” It is a “what if” all too common in Christianity today. What if the husband fails to fulfill his God-given obligation to his offspring? (Or visa-versa). Can his wife then run into his shadow, neglecting her children, claiming that her first obligation is to him ahead of the children? When she stands before God in judgment, will God say, “My child, although all your children followed their father to hell, I will not hold you accountable because you were hiding behind your first obligation to your husband?” No, He will say no such thing. All of Scripture screams otherwise, including humanity’s natural impulse to protect their young innocents. Even an old hen will fight for her chicks. Yes, that innocent gift from God entrusted to their care immediately becomes their first charge and obligation individually before God.

    Once the children are raised and make their choice to leave home and become one flesh with a mate, then the first obligation of the parents to each other returns. Yes, sometimes the lines blur somewhat, but I assure you God sees them crystal clear. He can point us aright.

  3. 3

    find a domain said,

    September 2, 2010 @ 10:44 am

    I agree with Dannielle. God has called a man and wife to leave their father and mother and become “one” flesh. The bible never reffers to a father (or mother) and his son becoming one flesh. In fact when the child is at a certain age they are supposed to “leave” their father and mother (not their upbringing and values) but part of the bond between them and thier parents. And we as parents have to let go and let them be one with their spouse. The bible is very clear about this. We have this liberal veiw in society today that says that your children are more important than your spouse and that is one (of the many) reasons why the divorce rate is over half of the population. This is not an attack or argument everyone is entitled to their own opinion but our opinions do not matter. What matters is the word and the word says a man and his wife are “one” it never says that about parents and children.

    Be blessed,

  4. 4

    find a domain said,

    September 3, 2010 @ 6:36 pm

    Thank you for your interest.
    It seems you did not read carefully my article nor my reply to Danielle. To understand and follow the logic coming from the Divine arrangement of “one flesh” and the product of “one flesh” (the offspring), there is far more involved than you are allowing. God’s mandate to men and women in even being “one flesh” is the responsibility that goes with it. Accountability is an absolute must! Follow the logic: You see, their “one flesh” produces an extension of their “one flesh” called children, which is quite literally their own flesh. (I dare say your own parents have probably referred to you as “My own flesh and blood.“). Once that extension comes into existence because of their union, they dare not ignore the extension of their own flesh which God charged them with! To fix on one another at the expense of the charge which God Himself put in their hands, is an offense to Him!
    There is no problem with the “one flesh” arrangement so long as the man and woman are mutually faithful to God in their cooperation toward their responsibility. The problem arises if either the man or the woman refuses to do their part in the arrangement. If you truly believe that in such cases it is right to ignore the children and put your failing spouse first, and if you fall into such an unfortunate situation, and should your children lose their souls because you put your failing spouse ahead of them, you will be in tremendous trouble on Judgment Day. Those innocent souls are your first charge, not a husband or wife who knows right from wrong, yet chooses to do the wrong. Remember, God’s day of reckoning is not for families, but individuals, one at a time. You will not stand there as a husband and wife, but as a single, responsible soul before your Creator.
    Again, as the article points out, until the offspring are born, the husband and wife must put one another first to prevent a lopsided marriage. Then, after the offspring leave the nest and make a life of their own with a mate (“They two shall be one flesh“), the husband and wife must revert back to putting one another first.
    As to your point that the modern divorce rate is high, it is not high because husbands and wives have failed to put one another first, but because they are failing to put God first in their marriage. Sadly, many youth of our society are quite barbaric because too often moms and dads are putting their own selfish ambitions ahead of caring for their children. Perhaps you don’t realize that such children can contribute greatly to the divorce rate.
    But I’m not worried as to whether you understand this or not. If you truly love your offspring and the situation I described arises, I have no doubt your conscience will automatically drive you to putting your precious, innocent children first. Ask any loving mother. They simply cannot help themselves!

  5. 5

    find a domain said,

    August 4, 2011 @ 11:21 am

    Ephesians 5 and the first part of chapter 6 flow as follows: relationship with God, relationship with spouse, relationship with children. Eph. 5:25 says that a husband should love his wife as Jesus loves the Church and gave himself for it. Vs 28 says men should love their wives as they love themselves, as does vs. 33. I do not disagree that the children’s safety and well being should be first and foremost. But this is a completely different extreme than when dad wants to watch the game, the kids want to watch Spiderman, and mom is holding the clicker… Another thought to add is that your children are your “right now” while you spouse is your “forever”. Invest wisely.

    For the most part, I want to say that this is one of the best short descriptions I’ve ever read on the relationship between husband and wife! I Peter 3:7 tells husbands to dwell with them according to knowledge. You’ve done a brilliant job of describing the responsibility of both spouses to achieve this goal. I wish every Christian couple would read this and put it into practice.

    Thank you for taking your time to explain.

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