God’s Rules For Christian Romance

NOTE: While this is for young singles, it is also suitable material for Christians of all ages.


Today a familiar excuse echoes from the new generations about romantic interests between the sexes. It is seen in such quotes as, “Us? Oh, we’re just taking it slow.”

The origin of such evasive philosophy gives itself away in the word “slow.” It truly characterized those multitudes of youth who were the “New Age Movement” during the ‘60s and ‘70s era, and today continues to contaminate young Christian minds. In it’s early stages, aggression was not their forte’. Even their walk was a lazy shuffle. Long, tangled hair marked them, together with brush piles for beards. Ragged was in, clean was out, slumped shoulders matched a forced facial droop, with sad eyes, sloped eyebrows, upside-down lips, and a protruding turtle neck. They shacked up together in communal dumps, smoked pot, and danced lazily in smoke-filled drug dungeons. They sewed the American flag upside down to the seat of their ragged jeans, cursed the military who protected them, and turned traditional American Rock music into what sounded more like a force 10 hurricane going through New York City!  Even the rich kids looked the same part, and shot their clothes with shotguns to make them ragged! Anything to fit in with the social drags. Their later generations of today are still at it: You can yet buy “distressed” jeans, shot to pieces with guns of all sorts. Yes, “slow” characterized them. Unfortunately, the smog of their culture slowly drifted forward with the winds of time and filtered into today’s Christian culture by way of “music,” television, public schools, and the Internet.

In that culture, the idea of “hanging out,” or such terms, meant two disinterested deadbeats doing nothing as “just friends” to see if both felt any “vibes” mutually strong enough to gravitate into more than just friends. Nobody pursued anybody.

The mentality behind such ‘hang outs’ was rooted in the New Age’s purpose of the destruction of what they termed “The Establishment,” meaning the traditional Judeo-Christian ethic around which all free societies had been structured for almost two millennia. The New Age idea was born of atheistic evolution’s notion that we were just animals running wild, and there’s no such thing as a divine order for what might be called the divine dance of romance, but rather simply an urge to merge, and then go on to the next one, much like the wild nature of wolves or hyenas.

Unfortunately, American society caved in to this cultural steam roller. And, sadly, too much of today’s Christian youth runs around slouchy and “hangs out,” walks with a shuffle, and even takes pride in the gun-shot ragged look. They are well on their way to hearing aids from living most of their days being assaulted with so-called “Christian” chaos, calling it music. One would think that today’s American Christian generations would refuse to borrow anything at all invented by such enemies of Christian-founded America! But they surely did, and America today is paying dearly for it. All of that is actually the real, documented history we older Christians visibly watched with our eyes and heard with our ears as it was born and grew up to contaminate our landscapes, invade our churches, steal our children, demolish our sweet Gospel music, desecrate our precious flag and sacred monuments, and bathe our sacred institutions of romance and marriage in a tide of cultural sewage.

God’s truth about romance was largely lost in that tsunami, so here, from God’s own point of view, is a restatement of the cold facts about this whole subject of romance. All the details in the paragraphs above are nothing but a cowardly cop-out of the God-given purpose which he created in males and females. That truth simply cannot be escaped, because it is as much a part of our physical beings as an arm or a leg. To exercise it outside of God’s parameters of reality is extremely destructive to human existence, ending in the charred remains of a raging wildfire.

You see, God endowed both male and female youth with complementary hormones to draw them into mutual attractions. The word, complementary, means the hormonal activity in each of the sexes as divinely formulated to fulfill the Adamic mandate clearly stated in Genesis 1:27, 28, to “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the Earth, and subdue it: and have dominion…” (KJV). But, as we can plainly see in ourselves, Adam and Eve were not charged to do this alone, but were carefully and perfectly designed to “multiply” and populate the Earth by what may be termed chain reaction.

Consequently, God-given hormones excited the resulting children with, shall we say, the dance of romance, with a divine purpose to fulfill God’s master plan. Mind you, not the insanity of merely satisfying one’s own selfish cravings like brute beasts. Hear me, young Christians, sex has a divine purpose without which God’s pleasure becomes God’s wrath! Whether to consider God first in your sex drive or not, is not an option! He must be considered in sexual unions, or else it becomes a sexual curse. We should all think that over carefully, because it vitally concerns innocent children. When Jesus walked the Earth, if anyone wanted to touch off his temper, they needed only to hurt the little children.

But there is far more to this so-called dance of romance than Christian society seems to understand. It involves a truth blossoming out of the meticulous order and purpose God exercised in the creation of Adam and Eve. That order and purpose ought to be looked at with great care by every youth today. It is so carefully stated in Scripture (KJV) that even the children can understand it, and yet it seems all of Christian society, including pulpits and church schools, either miss it or ignore it altogether so as to fit in with whatever cultural rage is in fashion.

God created Adam first (Genesis 2:7), then divine foresight prepared him to have a driving need. There stood Adam, freshly created, filled out physically in detail, equipped with everything he needed except a reflected companion physically designed to receive his own design. Here we all are today, still designed exactly that way! That “need” is carefully detailed in Genesis 2:18 through 25. Take special note of the detailed order, for this is vitally important to who we all are: Adam’s being first in order is a vital truth, although it seems society wants to ignore it. Now, to complete Adam’s design which God gave him, God took what he had already created in Adam, a rib, and created a receiver, whom Adam named Eve. They two, as joined together by God’s hand, became “one flesh” by God’s hand. Eve was created to be Adam’s “help meet,” that is, a helper, an assistant, an aide to God’s purpose in designing them both. She was literally bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh. Why? Because, as it plainly says, God took her out of Adam (v. 23). She was not directly made of the dust of the ground, as was Adam, but from the flesh and bone of Adam himself. We overlook this meticulous fact at our own peril! Far too many of us do. We say, “Duh! Everybody knows that!” The problem is, we don’t act like it because acting like it puts us at odds with today’s politically correct notions pouring into our living rooms, public and private schools, on the job, and even at church! Radical feminism has educated the masses along that line. But let me tell you, the truth here is plain, and there are dire consequences if we ignore it.

Now lets use the previous paragraph as the loam out of which the facts of romance blossom. Look carefully: God designed Adam to plant the seed of multiplication, but Eve, being one flesh with Adam, received it and joined it with her own, upon which their seed of one flesh began a cycle of growth to become a separate person to increase Earth’s population, exactly as God intended. This harmonious arrangement of hormones required complementary consistencies, not just in brain and body structures, but in hormonal processes to fit and govern the created purpose in how they behaved toward one another. Their different human profiles simply and naturally acted as magnets in attracting the sexes to one another toward God’s glorious intent in creation, that is, a vast multitude of God’s family of people to walk with him in infinite fellowship, to serve him, and to worship him as their God. All of these perfectly designed harmonics is truly God’s dance of romance between a man and a woman. Yes, there is far more to romance than fallen humanity has allowed themselves to believe. That dance is a sacred dance, and should be kept pure and holy.

But it behooves us to be extremely careful in how we interpret that vital dance. Get it wrong and the hormonal signals become a snarled semaphore of ambiguous nonsense. Women find themselves stooping to a driven behavior of pursuit which men alone are hormonally equipped to handle, and we find men parking themselves against nature in an attitude of female passive neutrality, waiting to be found by the perfect female instead of going out to find one to pursue. Familiar words from such mish-mash go something like: “Oh, we’re just friends,” or, “We’re just taking it slow,” or, “we’re just hanging out,” or, “What’s wrong with the guys these days?” or, “Why are guys such deadbeats?” or, “It’s hard to find a decent guy these days.” (Note the word “find.” It means they’re beating the bushes in pursuit to “find” one). “Guys are such party animals.” He’s slow as Christmas, and that turns me off!”  On the other hand, guys say, “She’s too eager, and turns me off,” or, “All she wants to do is giggle and party,” or, “She’s smothering me.” But if she is well behaved and keeps her place, deadbeat guys say, “Why is she so distant?” or, “She doesn’t seem interested in me,” or, “She’s Miss Untouchable,” or, “She’s got that holier-than-thou attitude.” (Usually, only a guy looking for a party girl makes such uninformedcomments). Or, one common comment, “She’s still trying to get over a previous romance.” (It seems to have escaped the mind of a guy who makes such comments, that the most natural thing for him to do is to convince her that he is better man than the guy who broke her heart!).

All such comments are like the smog rising from a polluted landscape. The sordid atmosphere ought to be swept out to sea by the strong winds of God’s priorities in romance. Both sexes need to assume a hormonal balance, and forsake the atheistic notion that we are soul-less animals running around like crazed canines after each other’s body. Both sexes should put God first in their priorities, and rediscover the lost art of the divine dance of romance.

Now let’s dance! Here is the Scriptural order for God’s inspired romance between the sexes.

First, it should be understood that God equipped Adam for pursuit, not only to dominate God’s Earth, but to take to himself and provide for his “help meet.” I repeat, the unique hormone system God created in Adam and his male offspring was divinely aimed to the dominant purpose of pursuit and domination of the Earth. That is simply who and what he is in his core being. To achieve God’s purpose in his design, he must pursue, pursue, pursue! But it must be for God that he pursues, even if it is for a mate. Anything else defined as romance today is simply Scripturally abnormal and will not produce what God intended in humanity’s design. It will rather only add to the warped confusion already existing in the homes and divorce courts, Christians or not, with all the attending consequences. Hear me! Scripturally, men must pursue, or else they are assuming the role God created for Eve!

The female of Adam’s rib is divinely designed to the role of a helper. Mind you, not a doormat as some men seem to think, but designed to do a job Adam is not even equipped to undertake, even if he tried. He just cannot do it. The ability to give birth is only one of Eve’s marvelous functions that Adam finds impossible. It is an indelible fact that Adam without an Eve cannot endure. He is “Alone” (Genesis 2:18). There could be no humanity without Eve, and dominion would be impossible. But Eve without an Adam is without the needed strength and pursuit abilities she needs from Adam to even exist.  No, both Adam and Eve are themselves divinely unfulfilled without each other, unless God specifically calls them to celibacy, which is extremely rare. The very moment the female steps out of her divine role, she goes against who she really is by design in her core being. Such a misdirection, and the frustration that drives her to it, is simply a manifesting of her lack of faith in God to provide her with the male to fulfill the divine design she plainly sees and feels within her being. Her role is patience in waiting, faith in God for her needs, and a readiness to receive God’s provision for her. Should she jump ahead of that requirement, she will almost always end up with a great deal of unhappiness and disappointment, and even unintentionally pass it on to her offspring. That is a picture of the mistakes so frequently carried out today in most females. Every woman would be benefited by studying the great women of the Bible, but few will even crack their Bibles to do it, and so choose the world’s back alley as her path of life, instead of the thrilling scenery of God’s mountain pass. Such a mistake defies explanation, unless it is seen as simply lust of the carnal flesh.

Men, your role in God’s design for romance is to go out and diligently search all the right places for a female whose priority is to love God first. Study her to see if she is what you personally need to fulfill your divine purpose to even exist in God’s scheme of creation. Here are the rules to follow:

If she is single, she is fair game, even if she is wearing an engagement ring! All you must do is make your play, then study her reaction. If she shows interest in you, that is an open door for you to test further. If she sternly and flatly rejects your advance, simply erase her from your list of possibles. Maybe later. Note: Many will oppose the idea of approaching if she is wearing an engagement ring. Nonsense! Until she wears a wedding ring showing that she is bound to that man before God, she is still not married and is available to any man who tests the waters. But if she rejects you, you must respect that romance. Remember, she must show interest in you, or it is a dead-end. But also remember, that if she wears your engagement ring, she is also fair game to any guy who makes a better offer. After all, how can you know but that perhaps she is the one God has picked for you, or maybe that he meant for her to marry the other guy who stole her from you?  But I warn you, men, you’d be wise in courting her to not start up anything to win her, which you are not dedicated to keep doing after the wedding. WARNING: Give that one very special attention!

Women, your Scriptural role is a simple one. Assume the role of the prey, not the predator. Be a catch, not a catcher; the chased, not the chaser. Be desirable, not the desirer; the attractive, not the attracted. Do you get the picture? It might seem obvious, but the radical feminists have to a large degree switched those separate roles between men and women. They have made them fashionable, even though it is a formula with a guarantee in neon red that it will end in unhappiness. The Hollywood set shouts it like a bullhorn in every American living room! The Scriptural order is to attract a suitor, not insult his male nature as your pursuer. Please hear this truth: female violation of male nature attracts society’s dregs in the form of male predators prowling at parties, social gatherings, the Internet, at malls, parking lots, ball games, Rock concerts, and even at Churches. Their objective is female bodies to exploit, not female persons. They’re as thick as flies in this depraved world we live in. Some of them are extremely skilled in their methods, and very convincing, but if you’re a Christian girl entertaining such social scum, you are flirting with a lifetime of unhappiness at the least, and possibly bodily harm. It certainly does happen far too often, especially in modern society. The solution is never to be alone with any man unproven to be a gentleman. The risk is too great. Instead, maintain your Christian integrity at all costs. Real men, men of worth, men who desire a worthy mate, are searching carefully for women of honor and integrity. They will simply pass over any woman whose male companions are known to be nothing but party animals looking for a few laughs and female company.

An additional comment to women is in order here: Girls, it is completely unscriptural and out of natural order, even today, for a single woman to park her own life in order to find a mate for life. The unwise act of giving up personal ambitions, personal talents, job skills, education, and especially God’s special calling upon her, is to effectively sell her soul to a faceless man, making a fictional male her supplier of life. Such an attitude is to forsake the fact that Eve’s Creator was God himself, not Adam! No, when God created Eve, as her creator she was his own before she was Adam’s. Even though she was Adam’s helper, even though she was to be the bearer of children, even though she had a role as a wife and mother to fill, she was first and foremost an individual before God, to whom she owed first allegiance. Adam’s duty was to honor that, to support it, not violate it for his own selfish motives. He owed her dignity, respect, and courtesy. But don’t you see that if she herself failed to respect that order in her existence as an individual, it could only bring trouble to herself, her husband, and her children. Yes, marriage may change her priorities, but until then she must be true to God and herself.

Please hear me: God must take center stage in your life, or you will find yourself in great conflict. You will do well to learn and apply the following indelible rule: If you fail to pursue God first, good men will not pursue you. Ironically, it seems instinctive in all men to know that indelible rule, and yet it seems most modern females have missed it. Even in slimy social circles, men would rather catch an untouched female for themselves, rather than one who lacked self discipline with her body.

Finally, men, a word to the wise among you. Men like straight talk, a getting to the point. So be warned: Unless you are an Elijah, a John the Baptist, or a Paul, then if your choice is to remain unmarried, you are cheating yourself out of who God built you to be. God did not put those hormonal passions in you to waste on your own cravings. Without a “help meet” you will be stunted as a man, unfulfilled, lonely, turned inward toward your own appetites and cravings. You will have no children or grandchildren to “Rise up and call you blessed.”

But men, marriage is no piece of cake. The ceremony itself, for both male and female, is where old “self” is nailed to a cross in self-sacrifice to one another, and to your offspring. You are through with being an individual, because “They two shall be one flesh,” yes, but now two wills vow to die for one another! But never forget, God built the male to be the head sacrificer. He must lead or lose. He must be the guardian, the keeper, the CEO of the home. Because of his design, he cannot be a know-it-all, and so must consult in order to lead. His “help meet” must be his first contact in most matters. In fact, any man who bypasses his wife as though she is a nobody, will have a wife who feels like a nobody. Get ready for a lot of unhappiness; women do not do well with a foot on their necks.

Remember, men, you can be worth a fortune, sport around in a limousine, be knock-down handsome, dressed to the nines, have a physique like Arnold to show off, be a famous person, all of that and more, but if you fail in the very thing God designed you to be, you will always have an empty place in your gut. It’s like building yourself a castle, but spending your life in a cheap motel!  Be warned: If you choose the castle, get ready to sacrifice for the privilege. It seems anything worth having is not easy to keep.

So I close with this word to good, honorable men: Be leery of push-over women. Usually you must fight for the honorable ones. If she is the best, she will want permission from God, as well as her parents, before she will even date you. So you will have to convince all four of them if you’re going to get the very best. And you’d better have something good going on in yourself if you hope to do that. That might mean you will have to make some permanent changes in yourself. I close with this: If she was worth fighting for to win her, then she is worth fighting for to keep her. And if you now have her, your worst enemy is probably yourself.


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